He wrote:
“Looking for someone to see the movie TRANSFORMERS with and to svc their cock with my hot soft mouth before the movie and again after the movie. If big enough and we click have you get off in my ass.YOU MUST HAVE A PLACE TO HOST.
NO pic’s wanted or given,me a little chubby 5′10″ 225# ,have some facial hair will shave if you see and don’t like.Not into kissing but you never know.call [phone number] 24/7
I’m 6.5-7″ ,would love 8″ or more but will enjoy any size. If you enjoy me ,I will be available till morning of the 5th for mutual fun. Hiv-neg and clean,please be same.Any race OK,I have toys ask me what?You must Host! Privacy a must!”
John wrote:
Hey Sweetie!
My name’s John, but my boyfriends all me Cracker Jack. I’ll explain that later. So, I’m on Craig’s List, searching for a bangalicious boy toy in the LA area when your ad pops up. (Much like my nine-inch cock upon reading it! That’s right–nine inches, baby! You only asked for eight, but God smiled upon you and said, “You’ve been a good little twink–I’ll throw in a bonus inch–FREE!!!” LOLOLOL!!! Then God said, “Good things CUM to those who wait!!!” LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Oh, God…such a naughty boy!!!)
Anyway, it’s so weird that you’d mention Transformers, because my life has been permanently intertwined with that franchise since I was very young. I shouldn’t be telling you all of this right off the bat, but for some reason I feel like I can confide in you. That, plus I’ve had one too many wine coolers this afternoon, if you know what I mean…
So, yeah, I’ve always been a very sexual person and I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know I was gay. By the time I was 12, I was really feeling some strong urges to further explore the carnal wonders of my butthole but I didn’t know how to go about it. I was in my room playing with my Optimus Prime action figure when all the sudden I realized if I adjusted him just right, he resembled a large penis. “Hmm,” I thought to myself, “This is certainly more than meets the eye.” It was then that I decided it was time for Optimus Prime to meet my ass crack.
I knew it might hurt, so I started playing my favorite Barbara Streisand album at full volume in an effort to muffle any tell-tale screams. Remember your first cock up the ass? Painful, wasn’t it? Now imagine yourself as a 12 year-old trying to stuff a four inch-wide action figure up there. YEEEE-OUCH!!! Needless to say, I passed out halfway into “Don’t Rain On My Parade.”
I woke up in the ER two hours later, caked in my own blood, as the doctors are trying to pull Optimus Prime out of my ass. The good news is, he was in all the way to his knees!!! Not bad for a first try!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!! They finally got it out, but the doctors were all meanie-heads about the whole thing throwing around phrases like, “toxic shock syndrome,” and “irreparable damage,” and “catheter tube,” and blah blah blah. Whatever. I am who I am and if they can’t accept it, poopy on them. Actually, I guess they already had my poopy on them!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!
Anyway, here’s the really weird thing…Are you ready??? THEY NEVER FOUND HIS HEAD!!! I guess it broke off or something when it was inside me and to this day, it’s never come back out!!! That’s 19 years with Optimus Prime’s head up my ass!!! At first they told me to just look for it in my stool, but it wasn’t there. After a while, I tried using a PowerVac to suck it out but that didn’t work either. (Btw, if you really want to fun afternoon, I HIGHLY reccommend it!!!) Later, I started strapping a bucket to my butt and tried to fart it out, but that didn’t work either. Oh, trust me, I accumulated all kinds of nastiness in the bucket, but no Optimus Prime!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!
So anyway, yeah, he’s still up there. I guess you could say I’m an “Optimus Prime” piece of ass!!! LOLOLOL!!! Optimus Prime gave me head!!! LOLOLOL!!! When I was 12!!! What is he, a priest?! LOLOLOLOL!!!
So, yeah, I’d love to see Transformers with you. Maybe you’ll be the lucky one to find Optimus Prime’s head!!! Speaking of which–that’s why my boyfriends all call me Cracker Jack. They go rooting around in my caramel deliciousness hoping to find the prize!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!
Kisses!!!
John “Cracker Jack” Kirby
